Women Crush Wednesday with Jill Gustafson started off with loads of laughter and a lightness right from the start. To be quite honest, it was the perfect lead in to a very serious subject as laughter and lightness is always welcomed, but not always easy to have naturally, when coping with severe depression & anxiety, the topic of the evening.
We thought we were done with the challenges for tonight’s show when about 10 seconds after we hit record, this strange sound started. Kind of like a scratchy, hairball cough type of sound for lack of a better description. Jill started into her intro, pausing to mention (because the looks on our faces were obviously saying, what the hell is that?!) that her dog had been sick (poor pup) and had a horrendous cough, hence the sound we were hearing in the background. We did our best to regain composure, in which we did – but at the moment it was absolutely hilarious and awkward all at the same time. What can we say, the live show is the best show! Now, back to Jill’s story.
Jill, originally from Texas, now nearly a 20 year Minnesotan is a speech – language pathologist. She is recently an empty nester (in which she is lovingly excited about), has a love for animals and travel. This evening was huge for Jill as it was the first time she spoke on such an open forum about her life long struggle with major depression and severe anxiety. Jill typically ONLY shares her personal story with people on an individual basis. When she learned about The Red Bra Project, she immediately offered to share her story with us and our viewers in the effort to help others. Jill bravely shared some very personal details about her battle with mental illness, what it was like before she found help and WHY it is so important to her that she gets her message out there so others have hope.
Growing up in a family that would not accept that mental illness is a sickness and shouldn’t be treated as such, she was often described as “shy” or “going through a rough time”. It wasn’t something that was talked about openly and she was often told, “you will be fine” or that what she was feeling was normal, which was far from the truth.
When Jill reflects on her childhood, she often remembers crying and not understanding why. She just knew she felt so sad. The smallest change in her environment, like a friend not being in school or change of job, as an adult would send her into a dark, dark place where she couldn’t function or even leave the house for sometimes, days. Jill explains that her mom also suffers from depression, but doesn’t admit it per se. Instead, her mom would describe why she was feeling sad with, “life is horrible” and well, you should feel sad because “life is horrible” it is perfectly normal to feel that way.
That was initially how Jill started to navigate through the first signs of depression. It was not until her mid – 30’s when she first discovered the benefits of medication for mental illness and for Jill, it was a complete game changer. For over THIRTY years, she tried to cope with things on her own, figuring out why she felt a certain way and even convincing herself that was “normal” at times, not knowing that there was a lightness, right around the corner – if she could only discover how to get there.
Jill desperately wants others who feel this way to know it is OK to feel sad and to seek out help professionally. Don’t wait. There is NO reason to feel like one should hide because of depression & anxiety. The 10% of her that suffers from severe depression + anxiety is only a part of who she is. The other 90% is happy, fun, hilarious & cheerful, which is absolutely obvious the minute our conversation started. She wants others struggling to know that these two parts CAN co – exist with one another and is NOT something to feel ashamed or the need to hide from the outside world.
Jill attributes a large part of her support system to her husband, Paul. She says he is her compass and when she needs to “check herself” she will ask, “Does something seem off to you?” and he replies honestly. If something is off, he refers to it as “ornery” and Jill trusts his perspective. It wasn’t always that way, though. Her husband learned a lot about mental illness and mental health awareness along the way through education. The professional Jill was seeing talked with him in the very beginning and put it in terms of, if she was diabetic, she just couldn’t stop it – and that can’t be expected for this type of major depression & anxiety. That analogy is spot on and something to really give some thought to. In addition to her husband, she has a select group of friends she KNOWS she can lean on, especially during those moments.
Jill loves this reminder because as she describes it, when you are in the moment, you can’t always see – when she reminds herself of this simple statement, she tells herself, noooo, this is not how it’s going to be the rest of my life, it is temporary.
“Fear controlled me for much of my life. I try now to run my fear through the lens of regret. Am I going to look back on this opportunity later and be pissed off that I didn’t try it? she says, “Sounds simple, but it was so huge for me.” (Ohhh my gosh….we loooove this perspective, Jill!)
A few suggestions that Jill shares for someone who may be exploring depression symptoms and wondering where they should start:
1. Don’t go to a general practitioner if you think you have depression. Everybody is different and symptoms vary. As do medications, types and doses, it is not a one size fits all.
2. A good psychiatrist is a great person to start with as they are more familiar with the types of dosages, serotonin levels and unique differences to each person.
3. Know that depression is a cycle, the light does NOT stay dark, it DOES get better. If one thing doesn’t work, hang in there, work through it – you WILL find a solution that works for you and will feel better.
Jill’s Red Bra Moment: Sharing her struggle(s) with mental health. Whenever the opportunity arises, she chooses to share about her personal journey in the effort to help others. She knows it is not about her, but instead about being able to help other people through it so they don’t have to struggle as long as she did before she sought out help. Stepping up and going live with us on The Red Bra Project live stream was so far out of Jill’s comfort zone, but she did it – despite all of our crazy challenges and all, this evening. (We applaud you Jill for sharing your message with such beautiful grace, love, authenticity & even a bit of humor. We were honored to have you as our guest. You ARE a beacon of light for so many others, thank you for joining us — we loved our time with you!).
Feel free to connect with Jill here, @jillybeanslp1 and email her with any questions / thoughts: jillybeanslp@msn.com she would love to support you.
Thanks for stopping by, you are so appreciated! Please share if this story inspired you or someone you know on some level, we know it did us. Always wear that red bra underneath it all and make sure to join the party over @theredbraproject!
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Much Love,
Renee & Shawna
