“We all have the right to exist and no one should ever take that away from you in the name of culture, family name, kids, spouses, or any other reason.
So I write to prove that I exist.” – Shabnam Samuel, Author of her Memoir, A Fractured Life.
We were absolutely honored to highlight the courageous, inspiring & beautiful Shabnam Samuel this week for our #wcw guest! Shabnam shares parts of her resilient and touching story of how after five decades she is no longer living in the shadows. How she struggled to fit in, worked through adversity and went from feeling lost & lonely to finally finding her voice, strength and place in the world.
Shabnam was born and raised in India by her 70 year old grandfather. She was born into a culture that simply being a woman already defines her and silence is expected – Shabnam touchingly shares how for years, decades her stories were kept safe in her mind & heart, then transferred to the FB Notes section for her reference when finally she decided to put them all in her memoir. It is Shabnam’s hope that by sharing her story she is helping others to find their voice and to step courageously out of isolation & fear.
About 33 years ago, Shabnam moved to the United States with the dream of finally obtaining self independence within and for herself. While her background is in Advertising & Marketing, she received her Master’s in India. Shabnam hasn’t been able to get back into her chosen field as of directly and admits that she has always been a writer at heart. Sciences were always encouraged in her culture, not so much the arts or writing, but the heart is always right when it is listened to and acted upon.
Shabnam explains that certain topics, especially in India are often taboo – never to be spoken about outside of the home. For example, divorce in which her parents divorced in the 60’s was not talked about.
Shabnam grew up in a biracial home (her grandparent’s home) with her grandfather being from India and her grandmother from Assyria. Shabnam shares about how her grandparents met and the diversity that was a part of her home in our conversation with her. She recognized that while she had the home, food, roof, essentials to live life – there were important ingredients that were missing in her upbringing such as relationships, emotions, a father, mother, siblings – the whole unit that shapes & molds a person.
“In school, people would ask me, why are your parent’s so old? But I couldn’t tell them, these are my grandparents. All of that, I kept inside of me. I didn’t really write anything then, but my stories were kept inside of me. I started putting my thoughts together very late in life, about 10 years ago,” Shabnam shared. She said that she started to keep a diary in the FB notes section, just for her as she started to write her thoughts done.
A unique memory Shabnam shared with us is that at six years – old she would see her grandfather write every single day. She was always curious as to what he was writing, he never shared at the time. When her grandfather passed away, he left all of the bound notebooks for Shabnam that explained the history & background of her parents, of what was happening in Shabnam’s life and various moments from life that took place. In combination from the bound notebooks and Shabnam’s memories was the perfect combination for, “A Fractured Life” Shabnam’s memoir. Pouring into writing was the first stepping stone for Shabnam to find & use her voice, supporting others to do so, too.
“Coming to America was an escape. I came here thinking I was coming to the land of freedom. I would gain independence – but it never happened. It took my thirty years to gain that independence. So, when I thought about the book, I thought I know so many women like me. They had no idea my life was falling apart. That was one thing that pushed me. I know there are women like me, I’ve seen them, I know them. If I can do it, then I can hope that some young girl who has gotten herself into something because of societal pressure maybe she will read this book and gain some sort of courage,” Shabnam passionately shared.
Shabnam explains that this book is for any girl stumbling with their self- worth or doesn’t think they can do this or that, it is for everyone – not just for Indian girls.
To hear a few of Shabnam’s tender shares from her own perspective and how she found the strength to never give up, to keep the hope is absolutely inspiring. She talks about reflecting on what one wants for themselves, listening to the gut and the mere fact that choosing to keep going is all that one can do sometimes. Actually, that is all it takes, to keep going, one step at a time.
Shabnam is founder of Panchgani Writers’ Retreat. When she was thinking about where and why she wanted to create this retreat she knew that she wanted to give back to her land of India. The retreat is held up in the mountains, away from the crazy chaos of life for seven days where food, laundry & transport is all taken care of. The guest gets to show up, be present, learn and gain insight into the wonderful world of writing.
Shabnam shares a pivotal part of her life when she stopped caring about other’s opinions. She realized that she was giving a lot of importance to people’s opinions about her and these were people who had never shown up for her when the going got tough & tougher. When she quit caring so much and stopped comparing herself to others, her confidence started to increase. She admits that some of this may come with every passing birthday though, oh the wisdom we gain!
When we asked Shabnam how she pushes through fear, she puts it into perspective. “I don’t want to sound morbid or whatever, but you start to look at the trajectory of your life. What you have done, what you want to achieve. Why does this keep happening. But then, I say to myself, do I want to sit here for 20 minutes or two hours and cry about why when I can go out and do something else for those two hours. How many more days of sunshine do I have? You can sit there and cry about everything, but there’s no point, there’s absolutely no point,” she shared.
Shabnam’s Red Bra Moment
My moment was when I told my adult son that I was writing a memoir and that there would be references to his dad that might not show him in a good light. My son’s response: “Mom, it is your story, you write the way you saw it and felt it. Don’t worry about me.”
I knew that whatever happened, he is my creation and he is standing by me. (That is precious….we looove Shabnam’s Red Bra Moment)
Episode 63 holds such a special message within Shabnam’s story about the power of hope, never giving up, how to let go of other people’s opinion(s) and breaking through the silence.
Today, Shabnam is an author, motivational speaker, coach and founder of Panchgani Writers ‘Retreat. She is helping to support & guide so many others in finding the courage and strength to step out of isolation and their own fear to find themselves. She is working on two more books that will be released. The first one is a follow – up to her memoir and the second is combining 10 or 12 short stories about Assyrian memoirs, a tribute to her grandmother and for the upcoming generation to learn & remember.
This is a MUST listen for all ages. Thank you so much for being here and listening, we appreciate you!
Please share Shabnam’s story with someone who needs it in their life.
Shabnam, thank you so much for spending some time with us to share your story to help support others. You are amazing in more ways than you may realize. Best of luck on the launch of your upcoming books! We are always here, cheering you on!
Here’s where to connect with the brilliant, creative, kind & beautiful Shabnam Samuel
@shabnamsamuel on IG
Shabnam Samuel’s Website
Episode 63 Stepping Out of The Shadows and Breaking the Silence After 5 Decades with Shabnam Samuel
“A Fractured Life” Memoir Author: Shabman Samuel
Thanks for stopping by, you are so appreciated! We hope this story inspired you or someone you know on some level. We know it did us, please share away. Always wear that red bra underneath it all and make sure to join the party over @theredbraproject!
Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for all show reminders and to catch the replays. We feature a variety of stories from incredible women all over the globe, supporting, connecting and empowering one another through our daily life challenges, successes and journeys to level UP and keep going!
If you are interested in being featured, please reach out to us via our Contact page or send us an email: redbraproject@gmail.com, we’d love to hear from you.
Xx,
The Red Bra Project
Beautiful article. Enjoyed reading it. We need more women like her to lift others.
Beautiful article. Enjoyed reading it. We need more women like her to lift others.
Hi Chandra, thank you so much for reading. We completely agree with you. Shabnam’s story holds so much love, hope and inspiration for women and men of all ages.